Today's Crime Headlines

Final Exit Network to be Sentenced for 2007 Assisted Suicide - Minnesota
Aug 24, 2015,

The national death-with-dignity group Final Exit Network faces sentencing today for mercifully supplying a chronically ill woman with the “blueprints” to commit suicide

Jared Fogle Kiddie Charity Another Shameless Sham (photo)
Aug 24, 2015,

Sources claim the Jared Fogle kiddie charity The Jared Foundation, launched in 2008 by Subway’s disgraced spokesman, amounts to nothing but a sham. 

Did Shutout Pitcher Mike Fiers Use a Performance-Enhancing Substance on His Balls?
Aug 23, 2015,

Mike Fiers’ recent no-hitter against the Dodgers has some folks who think his pitching was a bit too slick angrily claiming foul play this weekend. 

Manhunt for a Bodysnatcher Underway in Texas (reward offered)
Aug 23, 2015,

Texas police are hunting for a bodysnatcher now, after the unidentified ghoul stole a young woman’s corpse from a funeral home, thereby preventing her from being cremated. 

Suspicious Whale Deaths in Alaska Probed by NOAA
Aug 23, 2015,

NOAA is investigating dozens of suspicious whale deaths in Alaska during a seemingly unstoppable and “unusual mortality event” that began in May of this year. 

CONGRESSMAN: Federal Whistleblower Gunman Snapped in NYC
Aug 23, 2015,

The NYC federal-building gunman was a noble whistleblower who finally snapped over a longstanding “raw deal” he’d been dealt by the U.S. government, according to a New Jersey congressman. 

#XXX The Ashley Madison Mess (at a glance)
Aug 22, 2015,

#XXX MESS: For Ashley Madison owners and members, it was about this time a month ago that hackers warned there’d be epic marital meltdowns if the two-timers and the host site didn’t mend their wicked ways. 

AMERICANS IN PARIS: Brave Trio Shows How to Takedown Cowardly Gunmen (photo)
Aug 22, 2015,

Three young Americans who overpowered a heavily armed gunman on a train in northern France yesterday are being hailed as heroes this weekend for their swift takedown of the would-be mass murderer. 

MAINE MANIAC CONFESSES TO MURDER
Aug 22, 2015,

Police say the Maine maniac who stabbed a Shaws supermarket shopper to death for no reason this week has confessed, sparing authorities the unnecessary formality of launching a major investigation. 

K9 Bear Credited With Jared Fogle Bust (photo)
Aug 21, 2015,

Tech-sniffing K9 ‘Bear’ was instrumental in the Jared Fogel bust, when the black Lab found a secreted flash drive during last month’s raid on the disenfranchised Subway Guy’s Indiana home. 

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